Never Letting Go
by Ann Parker
Summary: Small ficlet. Mac does some reflecting on the past while attending her engagement party.


NOTE: I wrote this one-day in my creative writing class and then decided to revise and post it. Just a small ficlet, hope you like it.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters of JAG. They are the property of Donald P. Bellisario and CBS. I'm simply borrowing them for entertainment proposes, so please don't sue me.  
  
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Never Letting Go  
  
By Ann Parker  
I'll never forget the first time I met Harm. It terrified and thrilled me at the same time. Those eyes sent chills down my spine and pierced through my soul. They seemed clouded, as if he was trying to figure something out. It turned out he was.  
  
Diane. I looked exactly like his old girlfriend.  
  
When I first saw the picture of her I thought I was starring into a mirror. The only difference was the uniform. It took me forever to believe that he didn't see her when he looked at me.  
  
"Good evening, Mac," greets Bobbie as she walks over with Sturgis. When I try to smile back they notice I'm not exactly focused on the festivities tonight.  
  
"You okay?" Sturgis asks, causing me to smile and nod.  
  
"I'm fine. I was just thinking. Excuse me," I reply and head over to the couch.  
  
Diane was only our first stumbling block. My momentary departure from JAG with Dalton caused a slight rift in our relationship. Harm probably felt betrayed, just as I had when he left. Okay, let's go through things in order here, MacKenzie. I never told him why I left JAG. I know now, it was because of him. No, he hadn't upset me, quite the opposite in fact. I refused to admit it to myself back then, but I was already falling in love with him, and that scared me.  
  
"Ma'am?" I look up to see Tiner standing before me.  
  
"Yes Jason?" I reply.  
  
"I thought you might like a refill on your punch," he says as he hands me a fresh cup. I can't help but smile.  
  
"Thanks." I smile as he nod and walks away. I take a sip of the red liquid and stare at the cup. This red reminded me of the color of my gypsy skirt. I remember the look on Harm's face when he saw me, all made up. I know I saw a flicker of lust in those aquamarine orbs, but as always, his mask was quickly up.  
  
Ah, the hunt for his father. So many times I wished he had just let it go. It consumed and controlled his life. Yet, had he given up he would have never found Sergei, which was indeed a blessing.  
  
"How are you Ma'am?" I turn to find Harriet at my side and smile.  
  
"Harriet, it's Mac, and I'm fine. Why does everyone keep asking me that?"  
  
Harriet frowns slightly, "Well Ma-Mac, maybe because this party is to celebrate your engagement to a great guy and you appear to be somewhere else."  
  
I sigh. "I am slightly, but it's nothing to be worried about. Please excuse me." I stand up and walk to the bathroom. I splash some water on my face and stare in the mirror as I dry my face. The few drops of water look like tears.  
  
Tears.I remember so many tears when Harm left to go fly again. I felt abandoned. It was as if I wasn't important to him. That was why I hardly emailed him while he was gone, why I didn't tell him about my promotion. Why.I went to Mic.  
  
I leave the bathroom and head to the Admiral's porch. As I lean against the railing, I am reminded of what a huge mistake that was. If I hadn't taken Mic's ring, maybe Harm would have never gone to Renee, and I'd be at a different stage of my life right now.  
  
"Hey."  
  
I turn around to face my company, although I recognize the voice. I would know that voice anywhere. "Hey," I reply.  
  
"You know, at most engagement parties, the engaged couple tends to be happy and together." He walks towards me with a smile. That smile, it always makes my knees go weak.  
  
"I know I should be in there, but I just needed to think." I step forward a bit and his arms soon find their way around my waist.  
  
"Would the last time we were out here be what you were thinking about?" he asks, starring into my eyes.  
  
I smile, remembering that bittersweet evening in May about two years ago. Funny, we did a lot of reminiscing then too. "Among other things," I reply as I pull him into a quick kiss.  
  
"We certainly have been through a lot, haven't we?" He says and rests his forehead on mine as I nod.  
  
"Yes we have, but the only thing that matters is that we're finally where we are supposed to be, Harm." As I finish speaking, he pulls me into another kiss.  
  
"Ah, yes, heading down the isle," he says as we part and both smile. "Come on, let's get back to our party, Mrs. Rabb-to-be," he says and I laugh.  
  
"Lead the way, Mr. MacKenzie-to-be," I reply, linking his hand with mine. After fighting so long to be with him, I'm never letting him go.  
The End  
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Please tell me what you think! I wasn't planning on continuing this, but if there is enough response then it might just happen. Also, for those that are wondering, I AM working on the sequel to "The Gift." I hope to start putting some out soon! Until then, hope you enjoyed this! 


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